The One With The Pee-Pee
by madam-may
Summary: What really happened after 'The One With The Boobies' - does Rachel ever get to see Chandler's pee-pee? ONESHOT featuring smut


**The One With The Pee-Pee. **

_Chandler Bing; Monica and Rachel's apartment. _

"I'm sorry!" were the first words to come out of my mouth after a cry of shock. Rachel. My neighbour. My friend. Topless. In front of me. The juice from the box I'd been planning to steal was all over my hand and dripping onto the floor after I squeezed it in fright.

'Holy shit, she is hot.' Were the first comprehensive thoughts I had after seeing her and all the blood in my body rushed to my dick.

"That is it!" she yelled as I tried to keep my eyes on her face. "You just barge in here! You don't knock – you have no respect for anyone's privacy!" Rachel tried to cover herself with a crocheted blanket Monica had left on the chair.

"I'm sorry," I said again before noticing something to make this situation so much worse. "Rach, wait-" I tried interrupt her but to no avail.

"No, you wait! This is ridiculous!" she went to continue but I had to say something before I exploded.

"Can I just say one thing?" I tried to stay calm and not let my button and zipper explode off my pants.

"What- what?!" Rachel demanded, pausing for the first time during her rant.

"That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your… nippular areas." Yep, there they were, drawing my eyes like magnets. Damn, I'm so hard right now.

"Argh!" Rach said, storming off into her room. The towel was low on her hips and I couldn't help but notice how nice her arse was too.

Suddenly I realised what I was doing. Rachel was supposed to be Ross' girl – I couldn't be looking at her.

Code broken. Betrayal everywhere.

_Chandler Bing; the Coffee House. _

I sat with Ross – he was talking at me about some dinosaur thing, like he always did. But I couldn't focus. I hadn't been able to focus all day. I couldn't get Rachel out of my head.

"Okay," came her voice. "Any of you guys want anything else?"

"Oh, yes, can I have-" Before I could make request for a cookie, she cut me off.

"No, sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?" She looked away and I stared down at the table.

And here's where it's all going to come out.

Phoebe's new boyfriend chimed in – the psychologist or something.

"Did I miss something?" I sighed. There was no getting out of it now.

"She's still upset because I saw her boobies." I tried to put it on her – so I didn't look like such a creep.

"Whoa, what? What were you doing seeing her boobies?" Ross asked – yep, there's the betrayal. I'd probably seen Rachel in fewer clothes than Ross had. Which made this even weirder.

"It was an accident." I quickly defended myself. "It's not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of doughnuts." Finally, after saying nothing, Rachel chimed in.

"Okay, okay, can we change the subject, _please?"_ She stormed around to Phoebe and I got a look at her arse again.

Damn you inner-teenage-boy.

"These are not her 'boobies'; these are her breasts." Phoebe said, motioning to Rachel's chest. Immediately a mental image appeared in my head of her breasts.

Thanks Pheebs, thanks a whole lot.

"Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change." Rachel said, trying not laugh. She smiled and I was struck by how pretty she was. I mean I knew she was pretty and all but now it was obvious. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.

Yeah, definitely time for a change of subject.

"You know I always like 'bazoombas.' Kind of gives them a Latin spin," Monica said. Both Ross and I shrugged, pondering her statement.

"Can we drop this alright, please?" Rachel demanded and guilt ate me. True, I hadn't seen anything on purpose but this was obviously making her uncomfortable.

"I don't know why you're so embarrassed – they were very nice boobies," I said, trying to ease her discomfort. Her posture tensed as she sat down. Ross guffawed next me and I tried not to slap him.

"_Nice?_ They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are _nice._" Rachel sat back in the arm chair, her voice incredibly sassy.

Yep, I'm screwed.

"_Oh_-kay. Rock. Hard place. Me." I said, making hand gestures. Phoebe's boyfriend laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"You're so funny. He's really funny…" he continued to laugh, pointing at me a little. I tried not to roll my eyes again. "I, just, I wouldn't want to be there when the laughter stops." My eyes glanced to Rachel and she shrugged at me.

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

_Rachel Green; Monica and Rachel's apartment. _

I rubbed Joey's shoulders – he'd just found that his dad had been having an affair and he was crushed. None of us really knew what to say. What was there to say?

"… Like he's actually some spy working for the CIA. Hmm, that'd be cool. This blows." Joey unscrewed the lid on his peanut-butter.

"Do you think Dad ever cheated on Mom?" Monica asked Ross, who immediately drew back.

"No, I don't think so. 'Cause that would involve having sex and I would like to think our parents don't do that sort of thing." Monica rolled her eyes and got up to sort out whatever beeped in the kitchen while I walked around to sit on the arm of the couch.

"I know – why can't parents just stay parents? Why do they have to become people? Why do they have-" I paused noticing where Chandler's eyes were. "Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?"

Yes, I was still pissed at him. You can't just wander into someone's apartment when they could be naked and not expect them to be pissed if you see them when they are. And he called them "nice." Like, what is that?

"What?" he mumbled. I raised my eyes at him. "What?" he said again, looking up to my face.

"Did you not get a good enough look the other day?" I demanded, wanting to slap him arm.

"Alright," Ross said, acting as the diplomat as always. "Alright, we're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think you're going to have to show her your pee-pee." Joey nodded and pointed while I smirked, looking round at Chandler. He smiled, looking down at the ground.

"You know, I don't see that happening." He looked at Ross and I tried not to laugh – he did get himself into this mess.

"Come on. He's right… Tit for tat." Ross nodded and Monica laughed from the kitchen.

"Well, I'm not showing you my tat, alright." He raised his eyebrows at me as the buzzer rang. I looked over my shoulder to see Monica running to the door.

"Hello?" she said.

"It's Phoebe-"

"-And Rog!" came the voices of the happy couple. Monica grinned and looked back to us.

"Come on up," she said, turning back to face us.

Oh, good. Rog_er's_ here." Chandler said, making a pun on Roger's name. He got up and walked over to the window. I watched him go, pondering why the analytical man had affected himself so much.

_Rachel Green; the Coffee House. _

I hung my apron up and then exited the counter – thank god my shift was over. I couldn't wait to go home and take a long hot bath. I grabbed my jacket off one of the hooks by the door and as I turned to exit, someone else entered.

It was Chandler.

We were silent for a moment, staring at each other's faces. Normally one of us would have made a joke, him in particular. But now, there was nothing to say. Although there was something there – I felt a desire toward him. I never had before.

I breathed in heavily and the moment was gone. I smiled, noticing properly for the first time Chandler's facial expression.

"Hi, you alright?" His face was quite withdrawn and there was the faint scent of cigarette smoke around him. "You've been smoking?"

"Just one – I needed something to take the edge off." He murmured, pushing past me.

"Chandler," I said and he turned to face me. "What's going on?" Chandler only ever smoked when something about his parents came up – while I didn't know the full story, I knew he was totally messed up because of it.

"Let it go, Rach." He murmured, turning away again. I grabbed his arm and he shook me off. I looked at him with shock. "I'm the last person you want to be talking to so just, forget it. I'm not going to bother you with my stupid troubles."

"But, Chandler," I began, feeling totally off. I'd never seen Chandler like this. Normally there was biting sarcastic comments and humour throughout.

"_I wouldn't want to be there when the laughter stops."_

That's what Roger had said. Is that what was happening?

"Rach, just, let it go." Chandler said, finally walking away from me. I turned and half-ran home.

It was two days and four awkward nude encounters after the coffee house incident and Chandler hadn't smoked since. He'd also come out of his funk. Rachel had decided she needed some help in her plan of attack. She was still kind of pissed about Chandler seeing her half-naked and the way he'd spoken to her at the coffee house. Although she was more concerned about what had happened at the coffee house than pissed about it.

She knocked softly on the door to the guy's apartment and let herself in. Chandler was sitting on the bench with a beer in his hand. They looked at each other for a moment.

"Hey, is, uh, Joey home?" Rachel asked. She had decided to get Joey's help on how to get Chandler naked.

"Nah, he's with his folks today. After the whole _incident_, they're having some family time." Rachel nodded, her back pressed to the closed door. Chandler got down off the bench. "Look, Rach, I'm really sorry about how I spoke to you in the coffee house – I was in a shitty mood and I took it out on you and I'm sorry." Both of them took some small tentative steps forward.

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" Rachel asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Chandler looked down at the floor.

"I thought you were still pissed at me about the whole 'boobie' thing – which by the way, I'm sorry for too. And I was wrong to say they were just 'nice.' They – you're much better than 'nice.'" Chandler said. Rachel smiled and held her arms open. She pulled Chandler into a hug.

As they pulled away, Rachel looked up into Chandler's eyes, his arms still half way around her waist. Her arms were still half way around his neck. The tension Rachel had felt in the coffee house was now felt by Chandler too. He closed the space between his and Rachel's lips, kissing her passionately.

Chandler spun and moved them so Rachel was pressed up against the bench. Her hands were in his hair and his hands slid to cup her arse. They continued kissing and Chandler's tongue softly traced Rachel's bottom lip. Rachel's hands moved from Chandler's hair to begin unbuttoning his shirt. Chandler pulled away, looking horrified.

"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my-" He began staring at the floor with horror.

"Whoa, Chandler, breathe." Rachel said, stepping close to him again. Chandler longed to tell her why he was freaking out – he'd broken the 'Bro Code' so _freaking_ bad. Chandler looked to Rachel again, her lips slightly pink from them kissing, her eyes concerned at his outburst. Chandler thought she looked beautiful.

Rachel didn't know about Ross' feelings and they were in no way involved. If something more came of this, then Chandler would deal with it as happened. Right now, he just wanted to have meaningful sex with his beautiful best friend who was standing in front of him.

Chandler stepped forward and kissed Rachel again, all hesitation gone. Rachel kissed back, her hands returning to his buttons. His shirt fell on the floor and hers soon followed suit. Chandler lifted her on to the bench top and undid her bra. Rachel let it slip off her arms slowly while Chandler looked over her bare skin with an expression of awe. He kissed her again, their warm naked bodies pressing together.

Then he lowered himself to her chest. His hand cupped, rubbed and squeezed her breasts.

"Oh, how I've wanted to do this," he breathed, kissing the smooth skin. Rachel leaned back on the bench, her arms supporting her, giving Chandler more access. He took one of her nipples in his mouth, his tongue brushing over it again and again. He sucked and nipped lightly causing Rachel to gasp as she began to get wet. Chandler switched to her other breast trailing kisses over the skin as he changed. Rachel lifted Chandler's head back to hers and kissed him passionately.

"Maybe we should move this to your room?" she murmured, her teeth gently tugging on his ear before kissing and sucking on his neck. Chandler simply picked her up and carried her the short way. He laid her out on his bed and then quickly shut the door while Rachel sat up slightly. Chandler sat between her legs and began kissing Rachel's neck. She let her head drop back, her hair falling down her back. Her hand trailed down Chandler's chest to rub over the crotch of his pants. Chandler moaned against her skin and Rachel kept lightly trailing her fingers over where his dick pressed against the material. Chandler decided to tease her as much as she was teasing him and his fingers soon ghosted over the crotch of her pants. He moved his hand up to brush along the waistband of her pants.

"Off now," he demanded roughly, pulling away to take off his own pants. Rachel looked at him with a smirk. "Don't you want this..?" he murmured, brushing his hand over her crotch again. He felt Rachel press up to where his fingers were and then looked at her smirking. She grinned and took her pants. Rachel paused for a second.

"Should I take these off?" she murmured, motioning to her panties. They were small and black and Chandler couldn't look away. He shook his head and moved to be crouched over her. He'd taken his briefs off and ever so slowly rubbed the head of his cock up and down Rachel's panty-covered pussy. She moaned softly and reached down to wrap her hand around her hand around his cock and begin stroking it. Chandler slid his hand down her panties and began to rub her, feeling how wet she was.

Rachel rolled them so she was on top. Chandler's hand slipped from her panties and wrapped her hand around his cock. She pumped up and down it fast, her thumb rubbing the tip. Chandler groaned. Rachel kept going until there was a bit of pre-cum on the tip. She leant over and licked the cum off before licking up the underside of his cock. She took the head of his dick in her mouth and sucked hard, her tongue rubbing underneath and darting into the slit. Chandler groaned again. Rachel took more of his dick into her mouth and continued to suck, moaning occasionally. The vibrations were pushing Chandler closer to the coming. Chandler moved and Rachel stopped sucking.

"Everything okay?" she asked, her hand stroking up and down his cock.

"It's your turn, that's all," Chandler winked at her and flipped them so she was underneath him. He slid off her panties and lifted her legs so they were sitting on his shoulders. He then kissed down her inner thighs. His lips ghosted over her bare pussy. He ever so slowly brushed his lips up and down her slit. He heard her groan in frustration and grinned.

"Chandler, please," Rachel almost whined. He complied and licked up the slit, his tongue just parting her lips. "Oh..." she breathed as Chandler continued. He kept licking over and over again. His thumb began to rub her clit while his tongue teased her hole. Chandler heard another groan of frustration and swapped his tongue and his fingers. He slid one finger into Rachel, eliciting a soft moan. His tongue licked at her clit and he sucked it once or twice, causing Rachel to half-buck her hips up. He kept finger-fucking her, inserting another finger. Rachel had her hands balled into fists by her side as she rocked her hips while Chandler licked her and fingered her. "Oh… Chandler, fuck me…" she moaned, getting closer and closer to coming by the second. Chandler pulled away and looked at her. Rachel smiled at him and he longed to kiss her.

Instead he reached for a condom in his top drawer. He had it open and on in a few moments.

"Someone's eager," Rachel laughed softly.

"Someone's hot," Chandler teased in return. He moved back to where he had been before, his fingers darting in and out of Rachel for another second. Then he slid into her, his dick filling up her tight pussy. Chandler thrusted in and out of Rachel, both of them breathing heavy. Rachel's breasts moved up and down as he pounded into her. Chandler's movements were rough as he was already close to coming from Rachel giving head earlier and from hearing her moans.

"Chandler, yes, oh," she moaned. "I'm so wet, I'm _so_ close," she murmured and Chandler kept fucking her, his cock pressing deep inside her. He lifted her hips up and Rachel gasped, her back arching up. He kept fucking her with her hips lifted up and Rachel writhed with pleasure.

"That good, baby?" Chandler murmured, leaning forward to suck on her nipple. Rachel gasped again, bucking her hips up to meet his. Chandler had one hand on her lower back, supporting her and the other came to teasingly rub over her clit as he fucked her.

"Don't, don't stop, oh," Rachel moaned, thrusting upward again. She tightened around his cock and Chandler gasped, the tightness pushing him closer to the edge. "Yes, uh, oh," Rachel kept moaning, writhing and soon she thrusted up for the last time, coming as Chandler buried his cock in her.

Chandler groaned as Rachel came, her muscles tightening and releasing around him. He pounded into her, more for his pleasure even though he knew it would keep her orgasm going. His thrusts became rougher and he came too, filling Rachel up. He thrusted one more time, emptying the last of his load in her. Chandler knelt over Rachel, his cock coming out of her pussy. He pressed his lips to hers once more before taking off the condom and throwing it in the bin.

They lay next to each other, waiting for their breathing to return to normal. Both of them turned to look at one another. Neither of them had anything to say, there was no joke to be had. Rachel moved so she lay close to Chandler and he put his arms around her.

Both of them knew nothing would come of this.

_About a year later – Chandler Bing; Monica and Rachel's apartment. _

I waited until everyone else had left – Monica was in bed and Rachel and Ross were saying goodbye in the hall.

They were together now. Ross had got Rachel. The best mate got the girl, as they say. I wasn't sure what I felt. I was happy for them but I was also sad, even though Rachel and I had never really had a chance.

Rachel re-entered the apartment, closing the door softly behind her. We looked at each other but there was no tension. Not anymore. We'd only ever slept together once but there had always been a tension, a wanting. Now, nothing.

"So," I said, not sure what else to say. Rachel looked down.

"Chandler, if you're here to yell or-" she began but I cut her off.

"Yell at you? Why would I yell at you?" I said, feeling confused. When she looked back up, her eyes were filled with tears. I raced around the table and held her in my arms. "Hey, hey," I said, kissing her forehead. She looked up at me.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. I simply held her again.

"So long as you always maintain that I was the best you ever had, then I forgive you," She laughed and I smiled at my success. "So, are we okay?" I asked. I felt her nod against my chest. I kissed her forehead again.

"Love you, Rach," I murmured.

"Love you too," she replied. I breathed out heavy and shut my eyes, holding Rachel tight, holding onto the moment tight.


End file.
